Okay, so, we need to talk. Like, really talk. About You. Specifically, Season 5 of You. Are you as antsy as I am? My internal clock is ticking louder than Joe Goldberg’s obsession meter. It feels like we’ve been waiting for this season longer than Joe has been waiting for the perfect moment to “introduce himself” to his next fixation. And let’s be honest, “perfect moment” for Joe usually involves a lot of awkward staring and questionable internet stalking.
I’m pretty sure I’ve rewatched Seasons 1 through 4 at least five times. Maybe six. Don't judge. It’s research. For science. And also, because Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg is just… magnetic. Even when he’s being a complete psycho. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion, but the train is driven by a charming, albeit terrifying, bibliophile. And we, the audience, are just strapped in, screaming, but also kind of enjoying the ride.
So, the big question. The million-dollar, probably-won't-be-answerable-for-ages question. When, oh when, will Season 5 of You grace our screens? My crystal ball is currently on the fritz. I suspect it’s been borrowed by another streamer trying to predict their own show's release date. So, we’re left to our own devices. And by “our own devices,” I mean wildly speculating on social media and refreshing Netflix every five minutes.
My personal theory, and feel free to call it my "unpopular opinion" because, frankly, I'm okay with that, is that they're going to drop it on us when we least expect it. Like, you know when you’ve finally settled into a routine, maybe even started to forget about Joe for a hot minute, and BAM! A new season appears. It's like a surprise stalker… but a good one. A Netflix one.
I’m picturing something like this: it's a Tuesday morning. You're sipping your lukewarm coffee, scrolling through emails, feeling utterly uninspired. Suddenly, your Netflix homepage refreshes. And there it is. A shiny new thumbnail. YOU SEASON 5. Your jaw hits the floor. Your coffee goes flying. Your day is officially made. Or possibly ruined by a sudden influx of existential dread and the urge to check all your privacy settings.
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Think about it. Netflix loves a good surprise. It keeps us on our toes. It generates buzz. And let’s face it, the anticipation is half the fun. It’s like waiting for a serial killer to reveal their next elaborate plan. You know it’s coming, but you don’t know how or when. It's a thrilling, albeit slightly twisted, game of cat and mouse.
Now, let's get a little more grounded. While my Tuesday morning theory is chef's kiss perfect in its chaotic brilliance, there are actual, you know, production schedules to consider. Filming takes time. Editing takes time. Those dramatic voiceovers where Joe explains his every twisted thought take a lot of time. So, we’re probably looking at least into 2024, if not 2025. Ugh, I know. My heart just did a little somersault of despair.
But consider this: a longer wait means a potentially more polished, more intense, and dare I say, more satisfying conclusion to Joe Goldberg’s reign of terror. Or, you know, his reign of awkward romantic endeavors that inevitably end in murder.
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And what about where Joe even is at this point? He’s done the whole “new identity” thing more times than I’ve changed my streaming passwords. He’s been in suburbia, he’s been in Paris, he’s been… well, everywhere. What’s next for our favorite sociopath? Will he finally get caught? Will he find true love? (Spoiler alert: probably not. It’s Joe.)
I’m secretly hoping for a full circle moment. Maybe he’ll end up back in New York. Or perhaps he'll try a quiet, unassuming life, only to be drawn back into his old habits by the sheer force of his own personality. Imagine Joe trying to be a librarian in a small town. The sheer agony for him would be delicious to watch. He’d probably start cataloging people’s emotional vulnerabilities instead of books.
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Whatever happens, I’m ready. My popcorn is on standby. My comfy pants are ironed. I've mentally prepared myself for the inevitable gasp-inducing plot twists and the cringeworthy moments where Joe thinks he’s being charming. Because that’s the magic of You, isn't it? It pulls you in, makes you question your own sanity for enjoying it, and leaves you desperately craving more.
So, to my fellow You enthusiasts, let’s keep the faith. Let’s keep refreshing those Netflix pages. And in the meantime, maybe rewatch a few favorite scenes. You know, for research. Just try not to get any ideas, okay? We’ve got enough Joes in the world already. We don’t need any more aspiring ones popping up in our comment sections.
Until Season 5 of You arrives, we wait. We speculate. We probably rewatch Season 1 again. Because, let's face it, Joe's original obsession with Guinevere Beck was truly a masterclass in terrifyingly intense courtship.
