How To Get Over A Someone You Love

I remember this one time, I was maybe ten years old, and my goldfish, Sparky, well, he decided to explore the Great Beyond. Tragic, I know. For days, I’d sit by his empty bowl, expecting him to suddenly burst through the surface with a triumphant “Ta-da!” I’d even rearrange the plastic castle, just in case he’d been… trapped. My mom, bless her soul, kept trying to tell me he was gone. “Honey,” she’d say, “Sparky’s in fishy heaven.” But I wasn’t ready to hear it. Sparky was my goldfish, and my world felt a little less sparkly without him.

Sound familiar? Maybe not the goldfish part, but the not being ready to hear it part? Because let's be honest, getting over someone you love is a lot like that. It’s not a switch you can just flip. It’s more like trying to convince a ten-year-old that their beloved, finned friend isn't coming back for a sequel. Except, with people, it's way, way messier, and the plastic castle is usually replaced by a mountain of memories and unanswered texts.

The Grand Illusion: Pretending It Didn't Happen

So, you’re hurting. Your chest feels like it’s got a lead balloon in it, and every song on the radio is suddenly about them. We’ve all been there. And one of the first, and often most persistent, things we do is… pretend. We tell ourselves, "Oh, it's not that bad," or "We'll get back together eventually, just a little break." It’s like we’re the protagonists in a rom-com, and there’s guaranteed to be a grand reunion at the end. Spoiler alert: sometimes there isn’t. And pretending that there is, is like trying to build a bridge out of marshmallows. It’s sweet, but it’s not going to hold.

This stage is all about denial. You might find yourself checking their social media obsessively (we’ve all done it, no judgment!), looking for any sign that they miss you as much as you miss them. You replay conversations, searching for clues, for evidence that this whole breakup thing is just a misunderstanding. You might even be tempted to reach out, to “just check in.” Be careful, my friend. That’s a slippery slope that usually leads to more heartache, not less.

It’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard. Really hard. Trying to force yourself to be okay when you’re not is like trying to run a marathon with a sprained ankle. You’re just going to end up more injured.

The "No Contact" Rule: Your New Best (and Worst) Friend

Okay, so you’ve dabbled in denial, and it’s not exactly working out. Now comes the tough love. And the tough love, in this situation, often involves a little something called the “no contact” rule. Yeah, I know. It sounds brutal. It sounds like you’re severing ties with a vital organ. And in a way, you are. You’re severing ties with a source of constant reminder and potential emotional sabotage.

What does “no contact” actually mean? It means no calls, no texts, no DMs, no liking their posts (even if they post a picture of a particularly fluffy cloud, resist!). It means unfriending them on social media, or at the very least, muting them so you’re not bombarded with their every move. It’s about creating a physical and digital space where they don’t exist. For a while, anyway.

Why is this so important? Because every time you interact with them, or even see evidence of their life, you’re essentially ripping open the wound. You’re giving your heart a fresh opportunity to fall back into the same old patterns of longing and despair. It’s like trying to heal a cut while constantly picking at the scab. It’s just not going to heal properly.

Now, I’m not saying this is easy. Oh, sweet heavens, no. There will be moments when you’ll feel an almost irresistible urge to text them. You’ll tell yourself it’s just a quick question, or a harmless emoji. But those small interactions can derail weeks of progress. So, if you’re feeling weak, call a friend, watch a ridiculously cheesy movie, eat a pint of ice cream straight from the carton. Do anything but contact the ex.

The Grief Process: It's Not Linear, It's a Messy, Beautiful Spiral

Let’s talk about feelings. Because you’re going to have a lot of them. And they’re probably going to feel like a toddler on a sugar rush. Happy one minute, furious the next, then suddenly weeping into your pillow about how you’ll never find anyone as good again. This is the grief process, and trust me, it’s a rollercoaster. And no, it’s not a smooth, well-ordered ascent. It’s more like a drunken, winding path up a very steep hill.

You’ll likely experience a whole spectrum of emotions. There’s the sadness, the deep, aching sadness that can feel all-consuming. Then there’s the anger – anger at them, anger at yourself, anger at the universe for making you go through this. You might feel guilt, wondering if you could have done things differently. And then there’s the loneliness, that hollow feeling that can be particularly sharp when you’re used to sharing your life with someone.

The key thing to remember here is that there’s no “right” way to grieve. Your timeline is your own. Some people bounce back relatively quickly, while for others, it takes a lot longer. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t let anyone tell you that you “should” be over it by now. Your feelings are valid, even if they’re messy and inconvenient.

Allow yourself to feel. Don’t bottle it up. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream into a pillow, do it. If you need to write angry letters you’ll never send, go for it. This emotional release is crucial for healing. Think of it as purging the system, getting all the bad stuff out so you can make room for the good stuff.

Rediscovering Yourself: Who Were You Before Them?

This is where things start to shift. Once the initial shock and intense grief begin to subside, you’ll start to notice something: you’re still here. You’re breathing. The world hasn’t ended. And slowly, but surely, you’ll start to remember who you were before this person entered your life. What were your hobbies? What made you laugh? What were your dreams and aspirations that maybe got a little sidetracked?

This is your chance to rediscover yourself. It’s like finding a forgotten diary filled with the stories of your younger, perhaps more carefree, self. Dust it off. Read through it. And then, start writing new entries.

What does rediscovering yourself look like in practice? It could be picking up an old hobby you’d let slide. Maybe it’s learning a new skill you’ve always been curious about – pottery, coding, speaking a new language. It could be reconnecting with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Or it could be as simple as dedicating time to things that bring you joy, even if they seem small and insignificant at first.

Remember all those things you loved to do before you were so focused on someone else? Now’s the time to dive back in. It’s not about filling a void; it’s about remembering the fullness that was already there. You are a whole person, with your own interests and your own passions. This breakup, as painful as it is, can be an opportunity to remember that and to nurture those parts of yourself.

Forgiveness: For Them, and More Importantly, for You

This is probably the hardest part. Forgiveness. It’s a word that can feel loaded with meaning, and often, with resentment. You might be thinking, “Forgive them? After what they did? No way!” And I get it. It’s incredibly difficult to let go of the hurt, especially when you feel wronged.

But here’s the thing about forgiveness: it’s not about excusing their behavior. It’s not about saying what they did was okay. It’s about releasing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment. Holding onto that stuff is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s self-inflicted pain.

Forgiving them means acknowledging that they are human, and humans make mistakes. They have their own struggles and their own story, which you may or may not know. It means accepting that you can’t change the past, and dwelling on it will only keep you stuck.

And then there’s the even more crucial part: forgiving yourself. You might be beating yourself up over things you said or didn’t say, things you did or didn’t do. You might be replaying scenarios and thinking, “If only I had…” You need to stop that. You did the best you could with the information and the emotional capacity you had at the time. Learn from your mistakes, yes, but don’t let them define you.

The act of forgiveness, for them and for yourself, is a powerful act of self-love. It’s a conscious decision to let go of the pain so you can move forward. It might take time, and it might feel forced at first, but keep practicing. Eventually, it will feel less like a chore and more like a liberation.

The Future Awaits: A New Beginning, Not an Ending

It’s easy to get stuck in the rearview mirror, replaying all the “what ifs” and the glorious “we used to be’s.” But eventually, you have to look ahead. This isn’t the end of your story. It’s just a chapter that’s closed. And there are so many more chapters waiting to be written.

Getting over someone you love is a process, not a destination. There will be good days and bad days. There will be times you feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back. And that’s perfectly okay. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate the small victories. And remember that healing takes time, patience, and a whole lot of self-compassion.

One day, you’ll wake up, and the thought of them won’t send a jolt of pain through you. You’ll be able to think about your time together with a sense of peace, maybe even a little fondness for the memories, without the overwhelming ache of loss. You’ll realize that you’ve not only survived, but you’ve grown. And that, my friend, is a beautiful thing. The world is still full of love, and you are worthy of it. Now go out there and remember how to sparkle.